Stepping outside of our comfort zones
by Sonya
Someone mentioned to me recently that I’m really good at stepping outside of my comfort zone. And I laughed, and then accepted the praise awkwardly, you know, the way when you want to take a compliment but you’re not sure if it really is accurate, or the person is just being nice? Or is that just me? …Anyway, it did get me thinking about comfort zones, and what it means to be ‘in my comfort zone’ and ‘stepping outside of my comfort zone’.
A comic of two characters. One says "its important to step outside of the comfort zone". The other is lying in bed and replies "But it's so comfy here".
We all have our own different comfort zones. What we each feel comfortable in (the things we do, the environments we seek, the people we surround ourselves with) are different from one person to the next. And comfort zones are exactly the things, places and people that we feel most comfortable and safe with. People can guess what might be inside your comfort zone, but only YOU really know. It could be your house, or your bedroom…or just your bed. Your comfort zone could include your mum, or your best friend Frankie, or your dog. Your comfort zone could consist of watching reruns of The Office (even when someone suggests other shows you should be watching instead).
A picture of a white man with glasses, Dwight Schrute from The Office, looking at his own reflection, although the reflection is wearing a dark hood. The caption above says 'Me: There's new shows on Netflix Inner Me: Rewatch The Office"
And, conversely, you are the one that knows what’s outside of your comfort zone – the stuff that’s just a bit outside of your comfort zone, and the stuff well outside of it. And just to add to this abstract talk, a comfort zone can change size throughout our life. It may start small and get bigger as we feel more comfortable in ourselves, or it may shrink when we become unwell or experience adversity. Going outside of your comfort zone can be uncomfortable, frightening, difficult…it’s not called ‘outside your comfort zone’ because it is easy (if it was easy, those things would be IN your comfort zone!) However, going outside your comfort zone is important sometimes, to learn new skills, get exposed to different situations and to develop as a person.
We don’t underestimate just how hard it can be to step out (or even think about) being outside of your comfort zone. We know some people have spent days, weeks, months or even years in the safety that their comfort zone can offer. We understand that if you have spent a long time in your comfort zone, the idea of getting out of it feels bigger- maybe even insurmountable.
What we do know is that if you’re ready to step out- we got you.
It might not be easy but it’s often worth it. We would never recommend that you jump from your comfort zone to the zone where you feel completely out of control, fearful and panicked. That feels too big of a jump! But what about when you want to step a bit outside of your comfort zone but it feels too difficult to do by yourself…or you’ve tried before and it hasn’t worked…what can you do?
A green and white name tag that states 'Hello I am... Leaving my comfort zone"
I bring you back to the conversation I had with this friend. Remember that first paragraph, many paragraphs ago? What was it that I had done well outside my comfort zone? In a new job that I had just started (which I always find is something outside of my comfort zone generally), I was filmed in a video to support training for future occupational therapists. Fun? Yes, it was, because it was something I don’t do every day. Scary and outside of my comfort zone? Yes…absolutely! Oh, those thoughts were racing, telling me I wasn’t good enough! They were LOUD! But, I sure felt proud of myself after I completed the task (after many takes due to my errors). And to reflect on something that might not feel like a big deal to others made me feel proud that I had stepped outside of my comfort zone. And the things I feel most proud of myself, and the things I look back on most fondly, have been because they have been outside of my comfort zone.
A Venn diagram of 2 intersecting circles. The white background is the 'potential', inside the larger circle is 'realm of possibility' and the smaller intersecting circle is 'comfort zone'. Where these 2 circles intersect is 'happy place'
How did I do it? How does anyone step outside of their comfort zone? Different things work for different people, as well as in different situations. For me, in this instance:
- I wore clothes that I was comfortable in
- I practiced as much as I could in the lead-up
- I thought about the good things I was getting from this experience (trying something new, getting paid for the experience, helping others understand what good practice is in OT)
- During the actual task, I had something to fidget with in my hand
- I tried to practice kindness towards myself when I made mistakes, and the others who were around were really nice to me.
All of this helped.
So why did I choose to share this? Because everyone is different! And all situations that are outside of your comfort zone as VALID. It doesn’t matter what the example is…it’s important to remember that the comfort zone is important for us all. Me, Jo and Rachel – even we don’t have the same comfort zones.
Above are some other examples of me getting outside of my comfort zone. I’m not sure how I would go if I had to do these things now!
Our comfort zone helps to keep us safe, and it helps us to feel stable. And it’s okay if the person next to you has a different sized comfort zone, with different things inside it and out. What matters is when YOU want to, you can step out of your comfort zone, in a way that helps you to grow and develop, with whatever help you need. Stepping outside your comfort zone shouldn’t always be about feeling petrified. In fact, if it is, maybe you need to take a smaller step outside of your comfort zone. Or maybe get some support from a trusted person to help you step out.
A concentric diagram with 4 circles. The green inner circle is 'comfort zone', the yellow circle just outside is 'consolidation zone', the orage circle outside this is 'stretch zone' and the red circle outside this is 'snap zone'
Here at The Social Confidence Collective, we acknowledge that for many young people, being around others is something WELL outside their own comfort zones. We understand this! We have lots of experience helping others step outside of their comfort zones, and many of these young people have felt like their comfort zone had expanded a bit just by us helping them out.
Fuchsia writing on a pink background. The writing states 'you do not need to be fearless, doing things scared will work too'
We get that there’s always a risk when stepping outside the comfort zone. It’s scary! But we want you to know that we can make it feel less scary. If interacting with others is something outside of your comfort zone, but that you want it to be more comfortable, more safe, and less scary, contact us. On the flip side…it may still be scary, but if you do venture outside of that comfort zone…then, imagine just how proud of yourself you will be!
And for those of you reading this, that don’t need us to help you out, have a think, when was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? What motivates you to step outside of your comfort zone? Tell us below!